Not in London either.

Spring is here - and a young man's thoughts turns to love. Though the rest of us turn to quickly switching the radiators off.

Anyway here I am, still single and at least one person I know thinks I lead the perfect life. Unfortunately, he's 11.

I never married for various reasons - gayness not being among them (though I do have a Dusty Springfield box set). So now I feel like Dorian Grey as I watch my friends pair off, have kids, kids grow up, etc. Meanwhile I don't seem to change much - give or take a few extra pounds (okay, stone).

So I'm open to offers from anybody who thinks they can drag me away from my computer/DVDs/football lifestyle (or maybe even bring a bottle of wine and join me. Though I prefer Merrydown cider, being common and all).

I'd love to show you shots of me up a mountain wearing a fleece but I think mountains are that shape for a very good reason - to keep you away. And anybody who wants to pay to go on holiday where it's colder than here is just plain weird in my book. I do have a shot of me up a skyscraper though. It had a lift.

I'm a bit of a music spod and have a flat full of guitars (hi burglars) which sit there, staring at me accusingly. I also produce electronic stuff on my computer occasionally, though I'm beginning to wonder why. In fact, I'm very good with computers and I can probably fix yours when it plays up.

I appear to spend most of my day being a smartarse on GU Talkboards, though I write ads for a living (allegedly). The Credit Crunch (TM) means I currently have a lot of spare time.

I'm willing to converse by e-mail until you're sure that I'm not going to throw you down a well and harvest your skin. Otherwise, I don't believe you can really be sure until you meet someone in the flesh (as it were). I don't want to be just another face to tick off in the catalogue either. Though you'll probably take a black marker to mine.